Safety Watch: Ficus Edition
So you know Princeton's a ghetto. We've already mapped out the Bloods/Crips/Latin Kings turf for you (watch out Forbes!). What's the deal now? Who do you call for help?There's only one name in town. Y'know.Time and again, we've written about Public Safety's obsessive pursuit of justice. Cracking down on water guns, relentlessly pursuing obscene nudists. But, they don't pursue justice all day, every day, do they?But of course they do! If you don't believe me, check out the P. Safe blotter here. There are some serious gems every now and then, and we've rounded up some of the best in the last week for you.Here's what's gone down in the past few days.
The Case of the Tainted WhiteboardWhere?: WitherspoonWhen?: SaturdayWhat?: "Criminal mischief."
A PRINCETON UNIVERSITY STUDENT, REPORTED AN UNKNOWN PERSON(S) WROTE AN OBSCENE MESSAGE ON THEIR MESSAGE BOARD OUTSIDE OF THEIR ROOM. UNIT DISPATCHED. INVESTIGATION REVEALED THE ACT OCCURRED DURING THE PREVIOUS NIGHT. NO SUSPECTS OR WITNESSES HAVE DEVELOPED. REPORTED FILED; INVESTIGATION TO CONTINUE.
I don't want to go all Columbo on this, but, I bet anyone could guess what happened. Some guys came back drunk from the Street, saw a fresh, unsullied whiteboard, and proceeded to draw male genitalia/write sexually charged messages on it. Real mature, guys.Hopefully there isn't going to be any of that continuing investigation on this ol' humdinger.Case?: SOLVED.The Case of the Guy who Left a Note in Someone's Room (Oh my God)Where?: 1903When?: Last SundayWhat?: "Trespassing - Criminal."
A PRINCETON UNIVERSITY STUDENT, REPORTED AN UNKNOWN PERSON ENTERED HIS ROOM AND LEFT A NOTE IN THE ROOM. UNIT DISPATCHED. REPORT FILED; INVESTIGATION TO CONTINUE.
Unless the note said something like, "I killed your roommate," or "I stole your retainer," I'm not quite sure why this is trespassing. Many a time have I accidentally walked into someone's room while thinking it was mine or a friend's (yeah, girl from last year, really sorry about that - I didn't see anything, promise). And, just what did the note say? Don't leave us hanging, P. Safe!Chances are whoever left the note mistook this room for someone else's. Unless they killed the person's roommate and/or stole their retainer. Or they were the same drunk guys who wrote the obscene message in Witherspoon and the note had genitals on it.It looks like this investigation is also continuing. They'll probably go all CSI on that note back in the P. Safe forensics lab.Case?: Either lock your room or chill, damn. SOLVED. (Kind of.) 
The Case of the Stolen FicusWhere?: Alexander BeachWhen?: SundayWhat?: Theft.
AN OUTSIDE VENDER, REPORTED THE THEFT OF TWO FICUS TREES. UNIT DISPATCHED. INVESTIGATION REVEALED DURING AN ALUMNI GATHERING ON CAMPUS ON 10/24/09, AN UNKNOWN PERSON REMOVED TWO 7 1/2' FICUS TREES PLANTED IN GREEN PLANTER'S. TREES WERE VALUED AT $150.00 A PIECE. THEFT OCCURRED BETWEEN 2300 HRS. ON 10/24/09 AND 1000 ON 10/25/09. REPORT FILED; INVESTIGATION TO CONTINUE.
This might be my favorite of the week. It might be the fact that a unit (presumably two officers) was dispatched to track down two ficus trees. Or maybe it's that we're led to believe alumni (presumably and hopefully drunk) stole two ficus trees on Sunday night. But no, the real ringer is that the investigation for these two missing ficus trees is to continue. Yeah; let's leave this one on the books, boys.Case?: Just call P.Safe if you happen to see some guys with ficus trees breaking into rooms, leaving notes, and drawing junk on whiteboards. PENDING INVESTIGATION.So there you have it. That's what P. Safe does all day. Continue investigations on the more mundane criminal activity in Princeton. Ficus trees, dirty whiteboard messages, and post-its. And break up your parties, of course.(image sources: ktsilk.com and neilbeynon.wordpress.com)