Dean’s Date Blog Fall 2023
5:00 PM EST: Still in Laughlin, but soon to escape
5. That’s the number of papers I just submitted with absolutely zero proofreading. It’s the number of fingers I have on each hand, sore from typing. It’s the time—the time we’ve been dreading and longing for, when, for better or worse, it’s all over.
…WE DID IT!
Congratulations to all of us for surviving another Dean’s Date, whether you came out worse for wear or completely unscathed because you did your work ahead of time (looking at you, AC ‘24, with your 0 pages left to do because you “finished 3 days ago🐵🙊”).
Grab your water, eat your snacks, and give yourself a 5-fingered pat on the back. No matter what your Dean’s Date looked like, you’ve all earned it! Excited and terrified to see you next year here at the Dean’s Date blog. :)
3:17 PM EST: Chancellor Green
Feeling that 3pm energy slump? Here’s your curated list of local snacks:
Some potentially more remote options …
Lesser Evil Popcorn Himalayan Pink Salt -IB ‘23 (confirm availability in U-Store?)
Plantain Chips from Trader Joe’s -AD ‘25
—RB ‘25
1:23 PM EST: NCW
1:13 PM EST: Bloomberg Hall
You know what’s a good study break? Blasting some music in Trustee (in your headphones of course - what did you think I was trying to suggest?) So, yours truly collected some song recs from your peers that will get you dancing in the middle of Firestone and leave you buzzing with energy. Ready to get into the Dean’s Date feels? Here it is!
(PS: Are you guys ok?? How is everyone listening to “I Will Survive”???)
"Can't Catch Me Now" by Olivia Rodrigo
Metamodernity by Vansire
Ray of Solar - Swedish House Mafia
Lacrimosa by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Needle in the Hay by Elliot Smith
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
Greedy (Tate McCrae)
MY HOUSE (Queen B)
Murder on the Dance Floor (Sophie Ellis-Bextor)
Deep End by I Prevail
Angry and Dead Again by Rodrigo y Gabriela
I Will Survive by Gaynor
Drifting by Good Kid
The entirety of Sabaton's "The Symphony to End All Wars (Symphonic Version)" album
"Disaster" and "Catastrophe" by Mieko Suzuki;
"Six Legs (tippy tappy toes)" by Scrawny
"Dance Yrself Clean" by LCD Soundsystem
xx intro - only this
I Will Survive
Monster by Ye (ONLY nickis verse)
take me home country road
Sunny Side Up Summer- Bobs Burgers Soundtrack
I need a doctor - Dr Dre ft Eminem, I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen ('cause why not?)
Afterlife, featuring incredibly relatable, apt lyrics like "I don't belong here, we gotta move on, dear" 😉😉. And some cheery ones too
"I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor bcs you best believe it doesn't feel like it rn
1:05 PM EST: Laughlin laundry basement
…by the way, some professors have pretty great verbatims too. A few highlights from my semester:
“Let’s keep Barbie out of this.”
“I don’t want to assume that I’m making a lot of sense.”
“I suspect that you all have your own pair of eyes.”
“Okay, democracy is not a good thing.”
“I’m always in the therapy gym.”
And the mood of the moment:
“Tired….” [proceeds to stop mid-lecture and stare into space for a very long, very silent 15 seconds]
12:02 PM EST: Icahn
It’s that time of the Dean’s Date blog—time to record some of the wild verbatims y’all have heard walking around campus, you know, for posterity. Excessive context is great for padding papers, but we don’t need it all the time, right?
"YOU'RE A BOTTOM AND YOU HAVE IBS?!" - GT ‘26
"People always go like 'my phone's dead' and stick it in the microwave to charge" - QH ‘25
"What is Black Friday, is it next Tuesday?” - JF ‘26
And a few of my own:
“Sometimes Kim Kardashian does slay.”
“I wanna stage a coup d’etas. Ha! Isn’t that funny?”
“Only people from Ohio have business in Ohio.”
Fantastic quotes, all of you. Pretty sure Black Friday is next Wednesday, actually.
11:15 AM EST: Still in Laughlin
7:20 AM EST - New College West Choi Dining Hall
Nothing says starting Dean’s Date off strong with a cup of hot bean water and a hearty breakfast.
In times like these, I often reflect on the culture of an elite university in our digital age. The majority of people sitting in this dining hall with me are either eating alone on their phones or in front of their laptops. There’s one group of people sitting together, but they’re also eating over their laptops.
What has society come to? Why are we so out of tune with one another? Since when did essays and PSETS become more important than authentic human connection?
- a burnt out junior who also is eating breakfast in front of her laptop
4:40 AM EST - Rockefeller College Office (in my imagination)
Too many words left to write? Maybe you’re having an early-morning crisis at this hour: regretting your major.
You might want to stop typing and look for your residential college dean ASAP. Or, consider your options:
English, because getting paid to read books is a cheat code to happiness for me. - BF ‘27 (But have you considered the potential of having 5 papers due on Dean’s Date?)
SPIA - take a look at those classes!!! - KS ‘26
Slavic Languages and Literature. I’ve taken an SLA course nearly every semester and I’ve never not departed a course without feeling intellectually stimulated/gratified. - AC ‘24
Linguistics, but in order to choose it, I'd need to be good at learning languages. :( - RG '27
Biomedical Sciences if they offered it my first year; it's what I want to do - AB '23
Econ; money - GT '26
Anything but Economics - YL '24
—RB ‘25
3:12 AM EST: Butler College
I agree with the previous post. This is a normal time to be awake. Although a few (and I mean a few) of my friends have retired for the night, the majority of them are still plodding away on our little written assignments.
Here’s a list of places that my friends are currently studying:
The Grad College (a bit of a walk, but I respect it)
Forbes (less of a walk, but I respect it less. the Forbes Cafe is great though!)
The Whitman Library (often cold, musty, and dark. Slytherin energy)
the NCW study spaces (bright, IKEA-esque. Hufflepuff energy)
Firestone (allegedly. I admire the hustle to escape the eye of the security guards)
Theater Intime (very quirky and cozy! We love the arts!)
The University Charter Club (Honestly at this point I would just settle in for the night on a couch. There’s no way I’m walking back in the 3 am cold)
Washington, D.C. and Seattle, Washington. (I support these two! Being off campus seems like the vibe)
Murry Dodge (cookies all day and all night! Also gives Hufflepuff energy)
Studio 34 (I heard a freshman call it ‘Stu’ and a sophomore call it ‘The Stud.’ I am now considering transferring to Yale.)
As for me, I’m sitting in my room on a couch, wrapped up in a blanket and desperately hoping to finish this essay. See y’all in a couple hours.
3:06 AM EST: Laughlin Hall
This is a normal time to be awake. What better time than this to share some of y’all’s favorite napping spots on campus, to remind us what sleep feels like?
“Mathey Common Room” - AS ‘26
“Firestone basement (it’s so dark, I can’t NOT fall asleep in there!) - MA ‘27
“ideally my room but also the couches outside of the chancellor green cafe” - QH ‘25
“2D’s basement” - AB ‘23
Alternatively, here are some of the weirdest places y’all have fallen asleep:
“under someone’s couch” - KS ‘26 (“UNDER”??)
“in the middle of late meal” - GT ‘26
“not so much the weirdest but the boldest? second row of the classroom during lecture” - DM ‘24
“Annex bathroom” - AB ‘23
1:00AM EST: The parking lot behind the ice rink
I made a brief walk over to Wawa. I tried the Coconut Berry flavor redbull. A solid 7/10.
The stars are pretty tonight. But stargazing will have to wait until another night. My friend asked me, are there aliens?
I replied, do you know what pisses me off about our search for aliens?
Why do we search for aliens based on the human’s standards and necessities.
What if aliens live under the surface? What if aliens are so small that it’s invisible to the human eye? What if aliens don’t need water to survive? While NASA pours millions into finding traces of water on foreign planets, these aliens are happily hydrating on sand.
If you’re STEM major, please don’t debunk me. Let me wonder in my blissful ignorance (or ground-breaking intelligence?).
Returning to my essays on this stupid border conflict. More soon.
11:00 PM EST: Frist Campus Center
They say not to use ChatGPT to write your essays, but a desperate trash panda just burst into my room begging for help with his Dean’s Date essay for Social Psych, so I figured it couldn’t hurt. Without further ado, here’s a moving piece from my fellow PSY major and lumbering rodent:
Title: Trash, Tribulations, and the Social Ecology of Princeton: A Raccoon's Final Roar
Dear Princetonians, Professors, and Fellow Dumpster Dwellers,
As the leaves of autumn swirl in a graceful dance across the campus of Princeton University, I, a raccoon with a passion for both trash and social psychology, find myself pondering the intricacies of human behavior within this hallowed institution. In the spirit of academic rigor and dumpster-diving philosophy, I present to you my magnum opus—the culmination of my studies in Social Psychology and the embodiment of my untamed intellect. Brace yourselves for "Trash, Tribulations, and the Social Ecology of Princeton: A Raccoon's Final Roar."
In the grand tradition of Princeton's Dean's Date, where deadlines loom larger than the scent of last night's feast in the McCosh dumpster, I shall commence my discourse with an exploration of the metaphorical trash heaps that define our academic pursuits. Just as a raccoon discerns between a gourmet meal and a half-eaten pizza crust, so too must we navigate the treasure troves of knowledge and distinguish between the nuggets of wisdom and the discarded remnants of failed theories.
One cannot discuss social psychology at Princeton without acknowledging the parallels between the intricate social hierarchies within the Ivy League and the competitive scavenging rituals of raccoons. The Fine Hall squirrels may boast about their nimble antics, but we raccoons are the unsung heroes of the night, silently observing the drama unfold as humans traverse the paths of Princeton, oblivious to the dumpster divas in their midst.
As I delve into the theories of social psychology, I cannot help but draw parallels between the famed Milgram Experiment and the daily struggle to resist the allure of that extra slice of greasy pizza abandoned on Frist steps. The shocking power dynamics of authority and obedience reverberate through the campus, just as the echoing clang of dumpsters being emptied reminds us of the ever-present cycle of consumption and disposal.
Consider also the bystander effect, a phenomenon in which individuals are less likely to intervene in an emergency when others are present. Much like the raccoons who cunningly avoid human interaction during their nocturnal escapades, Princeton students seem to adopt a similar strategy when confronted with the potential discomfort of intervening in the social drama that unfolds within the Orange Bubble.
Now, let us not forget the social identity theory, a concept that suggests individuals categorize themselves and others into various social groups. As raccoons, we understand the significance of these divisions—trash pandas versus garden-variety rodents, if you will. The parallels between the hierarchical structures of our masked society and those of the human realm are striking.
In conclusion, my esteemed Princetonian comrades, as the Dean's Date deadline approaches with the urgency of a raccoon guarding its precious loot, let us reflect on the shared experience of navigating the trash heaps of academia. May this essay serve as a testament to the resilience of raccoons and the indomitable spirit of Princetonians alike. Remember, just as the raccoon perseveres in the face of dumpsters emptied and deadlines looming, so too shall you prevail in the pursuit of academic excellence.
With trashy regards,
Rabies the Raccoon
9:18 PM EST: Butler College
You may have noticed we did not post at 8:00 pm. We apologise for this delay and will return to our scheduled programming once the club member in charge of writing the 8:00 pm post figures out what on earth is a Lagrange multiplier.
9:00 PM EST: Firestone Tower
The University Press Club advises all to take Dean’s Date seriously. Although the Dean’s Date is colloquially known by students as a stressful 24-hour period in which they must turn in all written assignments, we at UPC want to shed light on the true opportunities of the time.
The Dean’s Date tradition was created long ago by Firestone himself to encourage lonely nerds the best and brightest in the nation to find love. The Firestone library was created as a safe-haven for nerds, super nerds, and the occasional football player. Why meet somebody on a blind date or in a club when you could just find your match among the stacks?
So, embrace the true meaning of Dean’s DATE and set your tinder settings to just the six floors of Firestone tower. Who knows? You might just meet your next hookup true love!
7:30 PM EST: Stokes Library
Rumsfeld’s Window but make it Dean’s Date:
Dean’s Date is just known unknowns progressively becoming known knowns.
6:30 PM EST: Aaron Burr Hall
Does this Dean’s Date somehow feel busier than most? For us too, don’t worry. Getting a seat in Firestone is an uncertain, difficult journey… especially when you feel like you’re walking to the North Pole (yes, us Butlerites feel chilly walking up that hill)
With that in mind, we’ve made a little battle plan for you to follow. Just in case Firestone gets too busy. Here at UPC, we’ve got your back.
Steal a chair when no one is looking. Ideally in the collab space, where no one can tell one chair from another. Time it carefully, when everyone is so stressed about their PSET that much greater felonies would go unnoticed.
Take off the 3-4 layers of coats, jumpers, and hoodies that you have on you and put them on said chair. MARK YOUR TERRITORY!! You are an academic weapon - don’t be afraid to show it.The more the better - decorate it like a Christmas tree, so no one tries to steal the chair that you… well, stole.
Sit down and get your computer out. You may have won the battle for sitting space, but not the war for working space. Lay out your entire Apple ecosystem like you run this school. AirPods, iPads, phones… everything is fair game,
DO NOT LEAVE!! This is key. If you leave, another savvy reader of the Dean’s Date Blog will execute steps 1-3 and take your spot.
4(a) If, however, you really do need to go to office hours, or late meal, or a review session (the holy trinity) leave everything there! Make it seem like you will be back in 2 minutes, and that you just stepped out to get some fresh air.
4(b) You could also ask your friends to valiantly defend your space.
We hope this helps! Be brave, o library-goer, we believe in you!
5:30 PM EST: JRR
To anyone who is in ECO 202 this semester
5:00 PM EST: Laughlin
It’s time. Here we sit, or stand, or hunch on the floor. The date is Dean’s Date 2023, and the date is today.
And here, at the University Press Club, we strongly believe in procrastinating our deadlines by writing thoughtful analyses and panicked rambles here on our Dean’s Date Blog.
Read along with us, and you can even be a part of the panic by filling out our survey link here!
Good luck, Tigers. The 24-hour countdown begins now.
—EW ‘24
