Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and ... Dodge!

Let's be honest, Princeton. We were never the super-athletes growing up. We liked the library, not P.E. We were nerds, and proud of it. We were also always the last ones picked in gym, no matter what sport, and apparently we never really got over it.Dodgeball, according to the sport's eminent authority Patches O'Houlihan, is “a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation” that was basically designed to let stronger, more athletic, more popular kids humiliate the average elementary school-aged future Princetonian.You'd think the mere sight of one of those red rubber balls would send us scurrying off in the other direction. Actually touching one ought to undo years of therapy.But every year, we conquer our fears at Colosseum Club's dodgeball tournament, because, as nerds among nerds, it's finally our turn to be the gym class heroes. Sure, we could act like the adults we theoretically are and “rise above” our childhood torment. Instead we spend a night living out our fifth-grade fantasies.Finally, we're not the last ones picked (we don't actually pick teams, but I'll let that one slide). We're the ones watching as our opponent stops, with that deer-in-the-headlights look that signifies knowledge of imminent doom, just before our shot collides with a satisfying whack. We're the last one standing on the court, as our teammates rush from the sidelines, hoisting us into the air in the bliss of sweet victory (okay, that never happens, but you have to admit it would be cool).Why else would an all-night dodgeball tournament be one of our biggest events of the year?But without further ado, let’s take a look at the brackets.I was originally looking for possibilities for epic matchups – think Anscombe and the ACLU. They usually stick to debates, maybe the occasional editorial, but you have to wonder if they don’t sometimes just want to throw things at each other and settle things with good old fashioned brute force.But it looks like they decided to sit this one out, so apparently Colosseum Club decided to have their own fun pairing teams.Ecoreps vs. Global Zero? Do we really have to choose between nuclear disarmament and preventing climate change?Then there’s the whole category of cruelly uneven matchups: hockey vs. the chess club? Heavyweight crew and Manna? Global Poker Strategic Thinking and H2O Mega (aka water polo)?Unless, of course, one of those turns out to be this year’s version of the “Hawaiian Club” … my bet is on either the mysterious “Figure Drawing Club” or the enigmatically named Balgari Yunatsi. Check out the action yourselves tomorrow night from 5 p.m.-1 a.m. (and the free shirts and pizza, of course).