The Dark Knight Returns; Or, Batman's Back At Princeton

Last week's bat sighting in the Daily Princetonian building got me thinking (in numbered list form):1a) What other critters might "accidentally" find their way into the office of Princeton's paper of record?  And which of those animals would be big enough, strange enough, "newsworthy" enough, to force Da' Prince' to violate one of the cardinal commandments of journalism: "Thou shalt not report on thyself in the pages of thine own newspaper"?2a) BATMAN. Thanks to 2005's Batman Begins, everyone knows that the Caped Crusader attended Princeton in his youth. Attended, past tense. But what if the Prince-bat was meant as a public declaration that the B-man is back?Well I got to thinkin', and then I got to investigatin', and now it's time for some answerin' answers.1b) According to sources at the Prince, either "something big enough to eat you" OR "any animal you wouldn't expect [ie, any non-indigenous species]" would warrant mention in the paper.  Good to know from a completely theoretical standpoint!2b) Batman's actually here. For real for real. His email is batman@princeton.edu.  His job is to keep us safe (from others, sure, but also from ourselves).  He's not the hero we want; he's the hero we need. "A silent guardian. A watchful protector." BUT WHO IS THIS MASKED AVENGER?...His name is David Tricoche (né Wayne?). He is a Public Safety Lieutenant. He is Batman...@princeton.edu.We emailed "Lieutenant Tricoche" to find out what's up.  Does he deny his double life as the Dark Knight?Yes, he does."When email first started at Princeton, to my knowledge everyone was allowed to select their own email name. I'm a comic-anime fan, so I chose the name of a character who I liked," he wrote. "It does make it easy to remember because it's simple and stands out."Got it, Bru... Lieutenant Tricoche.  Just a netid.  You're not Batman; Clark Kent is just a "humble reporter"; Peter Parker's a "science dweeb"; and that grizzly bear and/or toucan in the Prince office tomorrow totally just wandered in off the street, no idea how that happened, it was the weirdest thing.