A Foolproof Flowchart for Friendless Freshmen

I know what you’re thinking: your first semester at Princeton is already over, and you still don’t fit in. As various activities have taken over your schedule, you and your fellow freshmen have lost the friendly attitude of your first weeks here. These days, your social circle is limited to the few friends you see often. What’s more, your friends may not know each other, and you totally lack the time and motivation to gather them and form some sort of dream team.Besides, you’re unsatisfied with one-on-one interaction; as you’ve learned, the social life here is all about the eating clubs. And since eating clubs are composed of friend groups, which often come together through exclusive clubs, you’d better find your way into one of those – quick!Luckily, here at Princeton, you can abandon all that pessimism about your social life, because if you look hard enough, you’ll find four distinct paths to the prized friend group! Actually, you won’t have to look hard; just see the handy flowchart below. Study it well, and choose your path wisely, while you still can.So, there you have it: four easy ways to friend group felicity. If all else, fails, just talk to freshman Bradley Schneider - he can teach you a thing or two! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to get University funding for my exotic frog collection.