Life of the Party: Chapter 3

Sorry for the delay, Inkblots -- had some papers bring me down.  Let's finish this thing up on an expedited schedule, OK?

The third in a five three-part investigative series (no, not that one) about a party that happened this one time.  EVERYTHING YOU READ HERE IS TRUE.

The partygoers grabbed cans of Natural Light beer and circled up for a round of “Thunderstruck”, a game based on AC/DC’s 1990 song of the same name. As heavy metal blasted from Sparkletights’s laptop, the guests took turns downing beer, switching each time lead singer Brian Johnson growled “THUNDERRR”. Flag Girl, a spunky little pre-med, had the misfortune of chugging during an interminable guitar solo. “Yeah!  Come on!  Come on!  I love you!  Keep drinking!  Keep drinking!” roared the crowd as Flag Girl pumped her legs in seeming hopes that shifting her weight would move the beer down quicker.The second-longest solo fell to a fraternity pledge dressed in a sleeveless undershirt (complete with fake nipple ring) and cargo shorts for a “White Trash” party he planned to attend later that night.  Frat Boy coughed, choked, and grimaced as he tried to force down the pale yellow swill.  “I can’t do it,” he lamented.The Canadian contingent quickly claimed victory after Frat Boy’s shocking fumble.  But the American delegation refused to concede.“You can’t spell ‘Canada’ without ‘nada’!,” a young man in a Captain America costume taunted.As the night progressed, the group moved from drinking to dancing.  “Er’body in the club gettin’ tipsy…” proclaimed rapper J-Kwon over the sound system.  The partygoers bounced listlessly to the beat.  Perhaps the space proved too limiting – cramming more than a dozen young adults into a 130 square foot room is no small feat – or maybe the group had already drunk too much.  In any case, repeated calls for a danceoff went unheeded.A girl stood on the bed.  “Public Service Announcement:  It’s 9:30.  Pace yourselves,” she said.Miley Ray Cyrus sang an anthem of teen angst as groups of three or four broke off to visit to a bottle of rum.  “To blacking out!” they cheered.  “To Canada and America!”  “To America and Canada!”  For a moment, it seemed like ugly international rivalries had met their match.  Captain Morgan: Distiller, Pirate, Peacemaker.Frat Boy and Flag Girl stood in a corner, in deep discussion about their relative physiques.  “You ain’t got nothin’ on me,” Frat Boy said, pointing to his stomach.  “One, Two, Three, times Two, equals Six.  Pack.”But the good feelings ended when the music changed.  On came a song from a Molson beer commercial.  The Canadians sang boisterously along: “I know this place is where I am,No other place is better than,No matter where I go I am,Proud to be Canadian!”Frat Boy looked on, scowling.  “There’s a line between loving your country and stupidity,” he said.  “This is bordering on stupidity.”