Of Poop and Men: CDY '10 gets down to business

There are a couple universal truths about Brown Hall:

1. It is a fiery tragedy waiting to happen. (There is ONE means of egress for the ENTIRE building! Can Fire Safety fine itself?)
2. It is a miserable, decrepit building that provides shelter for the lower caste of draw times and non-existent people who revel in early-20th century heating technology.

"But we're centrally located!" sad Brown residents say to console themselves, "It's like urban living--Princeton's south-central L.A., if you will. We like not having modern facilities and not having a laundry room in our building."

But in addition to their daily plight (and blight) that is Brown, its residents also faced a serious, pressing problem last semester--one that affected their everyday lives: people were having trouble determining the proper venue in which to take their number two business.It was a problem so grave and urgent that it required direct intervention by then-USG President Connor Diemand-Yauman '10 (who happens to be one of the dorm's DAs). In a series of emails to the entire dorm, CDY laid down the law...(And yes, we know the first email is from last semester, but who among us doesn't enjoy toilet humor?):

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From: Connor Diemand-Yauman

Date: Mon, Sep 28, 2009 at 7:51 PM

Subject: READ THIS IF YOU LIVE IN BROWN!

Dear Brownites,A few reminders about living in Brown:

• Please don't shit in the trashcans or pee in the hallway. It might feel good when you're doing it but you and others will most likely pay for it down the line (which is, strangely enough, a lesson learned from the story of my conception). If you do pee or poop somewhere other than a toilet, just let us know or slip an anonymous note under our door--it's pretty shitty just to leave it there (da dum cha!).

• Please don't leave rotting food or dirty dishes in the sink. The kitchen has been left trashed a couple times already, and if that happens, Erica [Greil '10] will be forced to close the kitchen (Note: Erica, not me. I'm the cool DA. Condoms anyone?). Also--after you use the stove, please be sure to turn it off. If you break the stove or can't figure out how to turn the dial counter-clockwise ("I'm not an ambiturner..."), please let Erica or I know. You won't be in trouble and we won't make fun of you (to your face).

• Please turn the water off when you aren't using it, such as when you're brushing your teeth, flossing, bikini waxing, etc. It's really unsustainable and obnoxious.

• Please bring garbage cans in your room when they don't need to be emptied (unless you took a shit in them. If this is the case, please see bullet point 1).

• Please don't smoke in the courtyard. This one sucks, and I'm actually guilty of breaking this rule with a fine group of guys and a really strong hookah about a week ago. But yeah, we can't do that anymore and if we get caught Psafety can write us up. If you do do it, don't get caught.

Here are some important numbers/addresses that you can use in case something happens to your room. These are the contacts that we use, so if you would rather solve your problems in a less circuitous way, you should feel free to contact them directly:Psafety: 16092581000Facilities: 16092588000website: http://www.princeton.edu/facilities/service request form: http://www.princeton.edu/facilities/info/request/McCosh: 16092583129email: uhs@princeton.eduOIT 24 hour help desk: 16092584357OIT knowledge base online database: http://oitweb.princeton.edu/Here's to a poop-free Princeton,-Connor DY

After the September 2009 episode, Brown residents returned to their old habits last month:

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From: Connor Diemand-Yauman

Date: Tue, Mar 23, 2010 at 3:27 PM

Subject: 3rd floor bathroom

Dear men on the 3rd floor,I don't know what happened in the 3rd floor bathroom, but if you are going to poop/vomit/throw soup (that smells like poop) on the walls and toilet, at least have the decency to clean it up.We're all supposed to be adults. Leaving the bathroom in that state for the Brown cleaning staff to clean up is inconsiderate and disrespectful.Next time you drink too much or feel like spraying a crap everywhere, please think about Robert, our janitor, on his hands and knees cleaning it up.Connor

CDY. Taking care of business. That is, other people's number two business.(image source: http://etcweb.princeton.edu/scripts/bldgslide.pl?id=315 and Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License)