Notes on Mortality, Squirrels III

They are among us.

Audrey Li '13 returned to her room after Intercession-- only to walk in on this horrific scene, her desk ravaged by the enemy. This is her tale:

I left my window open over break to air out my room, and shut the screen so no bugs would get in. When I came back, I opened my door and immediately saw a) small little pellets of squirrel poop everywhere (I assumed) and b) a large load of shredded paper on my desk in the corner. First reaction was slow bewilderment, and then I heard some scratching inside the nest, so I basically freaked out and ran out of my room.

Brian Chen '13 eventually decided to "poke the nest with a long pole thing," and though his first attempt was met with little resistance, the second poke triggered some suspicious movement in the pile. It was then time (with good reason) to bring in the heavy artillery. Chen loaded a Nerf gun and fired away, which, according to Li, "prompted the squirrel to run out of the nest and (presumably) out the window." Reinforcements arrived in the form of Public Safety, who checked to ensure the squirrel had vacated the premises-- and more importantly, that it had not left offspring. They found nothing. But that doesn't mean they aren't there. My personal guess: sleeper cells.After the window was locked, the desk cleaned, and some sanity restored, Li surveyed the damages.

Chewed up printer cable, lamp cord, ethernet cable (into five pieces, somehow), vacuum charging cable. All of my printer paper was shredded for the nest, as was wrapping paper I had on the other side of the room (maybe it enjoyed the bright colors?) and stationery I had lying around.

... and it did unspeakable things to her comforter and stuffed animals. The particularly brutal treatment of the Ethernet cable suggests that they are trying to cut off modes of human communication. (At least we've got WiFi-- ha!) Are they smarter than we think? Note how they are they trying to deprive us of basic human joys: presents, light, stuffed playthings, sleep. Is it time to unify this campus and mobilize against this age-old rodent menace?Stage I: Intimidation.Stage II: Infiltration.Stage III: Only time will tell.Godspeed, Inkblots. Godspeed.